I wrote the following three paragraphs two days ago:
Right now I’m feeling pretty depressed, because Veronica keeps bitching at me; she says she doesn’t want to be a bitch, and then she gets mad when I say she is one... but let’s face the facts. Basically, every single fucking day, she starts making snide little comments about how she doesn’t trust me, or doesn’t trust other girls, or how all girls are sluts (especially those in college)... and it sort of goes on and on, and the inevitable gist of it is that she is not only accusing me of cheating, but also accusing me of being likely to cheat.
Yep, I do believe most girls are sluts, especially those in college. They're scum. I don't believe I'm a bitch, I have discrepancies, as does any other human on this earth. If I'm a bitch for having an opinion, well color me guilty. Do I bring them up incessantly, as this paragraph portrays? I say that I don't. I most certainly do not bring this kind of material up every day, but I guess to someone more feeble-minded (as in the author), time is a formality.

That, in a nutshell, is what they call “bitching”. Bitching is a process whereby one person feels sorry for themselves for whatever insecure reason, justified or not, and then proceeds to remind others of this fact on a regular basis... it’s annoying, it’s frustrating, and it’s the sort of thing which absolutely RUINS relationships. She just seems unable to stop sometimes, and it’s reaaaaaaaaaally fucking stressful.
Ok, well this is a fun one. I find his definition of 'bitching' to be rather peculiar, but w/e. If that is what bitching is, then I am, in fact dating a royal bitch. No doubt it's annoying and frustrating. You're preaching to the magnificent choir, Sir Adam. Don't even get me started on the 'stress' factor, your Highness.

Yet she does it anyways, and it makes me have little faith for the future; in fact, it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy... after all, what guy wouldn’t want to find a girl who doesn’t bitch?
Future? What future? And 'find a girl who doesn't bitch?' Hah! good luck with that one! Especially with your sorry ass.

Seriously, the absolutely worst thing that a girl can do in a relationship is sit around bitching; nobody likes that. For fucks sake, if you want to be in a relationship with someone then tell them how much you like them, instead of reminding them of how much you don’t like them. What my boyfriend expresses here, is that he wants a blow-up doll who has vocal chords connected to a bunch of wires connected to his neural activity to generate things he wants to hear.

This whole “you cheated on me” thing has got to end; she needs to either deal with her inaccurate assumptions, or accept that the relationship is ruined because of them.
I guess the author here, forgot the fact that his subject (me!) read his "supposed" cheating, from his Facebook email. He flat-out told this girl his un-dying love and how he wanted to 'eat you out'. I guess I'm just speculating that he wanted to munch her carpet out of admiration for her incredible worldly intelligence, completely platonic-ly as he had no intention of betraying me romaticaly.

I mean, damn, a year ago I wrote, “In other news, I guess me and Vronka had a bit of a spat of sorts today; cuz she is worried that I’ll meet someone who is smarter, richer, cuter, better educated, more submissive, funnier, better dressed, and with a nice car – really, I’m not at all sure how to respond to such statements, and it gets stressful.” She clearly fails to understand how strongly her constant worry has negatively affected my own mental well-being.
I guess his last commentary sentence, which was apparently suppose to conclude the above quote, doesn't make any sense to me. At this point he seems scattered. Usually when he gets scattered in these types of blog entries, it starts to go downhill really fast, just a heads-up. I did worry, I do worry, I worry because he is most-definitely a man-whore. I'm not worried about him finding someone more intelligent, I'd be terribly impressed, or depressed if someone so intelligent were to be so stupid, IDK. Funnier would be a hard one to top, because I think I'm pretty damn funny, I could be wrong. Richer, well that's an easy one, I'm BROKE. This, coming from a supposed Communist who doesn't appreciate unjust accumulations of wealth. Educated? Shit, I'd have spent the past 6 years of my life in a book if I had the money to go to College, you fucking genious, put the two together; uneducated, lack of wealth... Jesus fuck. I can't afford an education. School loan? I'd rather bite my arm off than go into debt. I guess that makes me stupid? Tell that to the millions of home-owners in this country that shouldn't be! OMG. Repossessions, anyone?

So yah, because of her immature obsessions, she is persistently setting herself up for failure, by making me constantly feel bad about things (she says I only feel bad because I’m guilty), by being depressive and moody, and by constantly creating little discrepancies which (over time) will inevitably lead to bigger and bigger fights. Is that what she wants? I assume not, but living in a relationship with someone who seems hell-bent on reminding you of past disagreements, regardless of their accuracy, is frankly an intolerable experience which will eventually end in disaster. I know this, she knows this... yet she does it anyways!?! Do I fucking sit around and remind her of all the bad times? Hell no, I sure try not to mention anything depressing, because the last thing I want is for her to start feeling sad like I do whenever she brings up my past mistakes. Lol, and then she said that since I’m a historian that I should be more tolerant of her attempts at writing our “history” – of course, sure, but regardless of how logical that claim may appear, the fact of the matter is that she is in a relationship with someone who is really fucking sick and tired of the accusations... Christ, I’m not a liberal representative democratic nation-state; I’m just a person, and a grumpy one at that. So, will she respond appropriately, or continue to destroy this relationship due to her selfish desire to seek out and define the ‘truth’? Long story short: mature people learn to drop disagreements, and immature people harp on incessantly – except in politics, where the exact opposite is true.

I think I addressed this all in the above

Then I wrote this today:
Well, Christmas really sucked; it started out really great, and then, I think there is a key point here... alcohol entered the picture. Now, don’t get me wrong; I like to drink, and I think I’m a pretty reasonably calm drunk... sometimes I get sad and moody, and then I tend to sulk off in a corner... but that’s about it. Veronica, on the other hand, has a tendency to become very upset when she crosses that point from being ‘buzzed’ to being technically ‘drunk’; ultimately, she is a bitchy drunk, complete with crying, accusations, and loud angry whine statements.

I think the whole thing ^ = bullshit. He gets incredibly confrontational and belligerent when he's drunk. His delusions of grandeur, thinking he's some Bambi-like creature is comical. He instigated drinking, which is completely trivial, but he makes such a big deal of it I guess apparently it warrants mentioning! Lame. Now unfortunately, I react to these types when I'm drinking, whereas normally I would laugh at them and walk off. The things he does, such as hit me (I'm modeling a very fashionable black eye and unsightly bruse above my right eyebrow) tend to result in reactions. Why is this? Oh, I don't know, perhaps due to the fact THAT HE'S HITTING ME. "Why does she cry? I shal physically react (says the calm deer) to see how this carries forward". Fucking psycho-path. "Why does she whine angrily when I striketh thee?"

I’m not sure if there is any point writing about all this here; except, I suppose a lot of people have similar problems, and so I suppose there is some good to publicly expressing these problems, in the hopes of fostering serious discussion of them; and I know it helps me mentally to write about it and think about it constructively. God knows the fucking mental health-care community has utterly failed to do that... their solution is to pop some pills, and pay them $45 an hour to listen to me say that things aren’t getting better, in which case they prescribe more pills, or else sometimes I will say that everything is now wonderful (in order to stop getting more pills) in which case the amateur mental scientists will conclude that the pills worked. Or, in some cases, I can get a therapist who will listen intently for an hour, and then either solve all my life’s problems for some overly simplistic idea (as if), or else they will suggest that I come back next week, and bring my checkbook.
My boyfriend is beyond help, heed warning, psychiatrists

Anyways, the point here, is that my life is not very happy, and neither is Veronica’s, and so we get upset about little things. I suppose this makes us real people, with real problems, just like the people who keep it all inside and became jackasses in business-suits. So yah. Tonight, I guess it started before we drank, because I was reading and quoted my book, where it discusses the original philosophy of Buddhism, and unfavorably contrasts it with the modern ritualized version. Well, she really didn’t listen to what I said, and just made some snappy judgmental statement about how Buddhism is stupid, and after a brief disagreement, it thus became known that I am naive about religion, and a bit of a cultist...
UGH, the way he totally just lumped a long intricate discussion into a swift, clumsy accusation is disgusting and I'm not about to write a whole paper trying to correct his inaccuracies. This is the kind of things our wars are started over, though.

personally, I find that kind of bullshit to be really annoying, because I know damn well she doesn’t know as much about this stuff as I do (and not affording school isn’t exactly a valid excuse for her, because there is NOTHING stopping her from sitting here and reading), and so it’s just rude to dismiss what I say so off-hand as if I’m some kind of weirdo she doesn’t actually like, rather than her boyfriend wanting to talk to her about something he is reading. I mean, Jesus, it’s so hard to talk to her about anything serious; it really fucking is, I often find myself on the verge of saying something, and then I just figure what’s the point, because I can already tell she’ll immediately make some superficial critical comment to shoot me down. So clearly, she is very opinionated, which is fine of course, but the problem is that the moment I disagree with her she almost invariably makes it personal, and then she quickly shuts down if I press a point. I mean, ok, I don’t know what’s going on there, but I know I feel stuck in a relationship where it’s almost impossible to talk to the other person about stuff I care a lot about.
I'm going to continue editing this later...

Of course, if I ever try to talk to her about how I feel stuck in a rut sometimes, the immediate reaction is emotional abuse; basically, she’ll alternate between miserable sadness, and angry accusations of how she hopes I enjoy sleeping around with more attractive girls who are more fun to talk with... like, what the fuck? Why won’t she just acknowledge that she needs to mellow the fuck out about certain things? Why won’t she grow up, and read a goddamned book or two, so that we can talk about what was inside the books? I dunno, I’m sure she won’t really enjoy me writing all about this here, but it’s like my fucking mental health gets all shredded up by her, and ultimately she really doesn’t seem to grasp what exactly it is that I feel she does wrong; and since, like, I’ve got nobody else in my life to talk to, you are damn right that I’m gonna talk to the absent void of this lame website, where people will probably one day come looking for stuff to use against me.

So yah, getting back to my story, after a while we kind of seemed to get over the whole Buddhism thing, and therefore everything was fine for awhile, until we started drinking... and since it was Christmas, she decided she should drink a little more than she normally does; that, in itself, is irritating to me because she knows damn well that I’d rather she didn’t, but at the same time I feel so drained of energy that I really don’t want to argue with her about it... and so we drank, and that was that. I mean, I know she wants to drink and have fun, but can’t she connect the fucking dots? It’s like just about every fucking time she drinks that much, we fight; now sure, she can turn it around and point out that I’m drinking too, and that therefore I’m the real problem... but does that help? Does shifting the blame really help? Can she even believe that to be the case? I mean, fuck, I might get mad when pushed, but I think we all know I got a real habit of withdrawing into my little shell and avoiding fights.... after all, you don’t get a huge diary website like this without being mildly introverted and withdrawn. In general, when faced with a real-world confrontation, I’m most likely to go sulk in another room; the problem is, that certain people seem unable to avoid following me, as will be exemplified below.

So there we were, now this was a few hours ago, and she asked me if I wanted to play the Risk game that I bought, in the hopes that we could some how do something together, which was a nice gesture; cuz I mean, like, I enjoy doing stuff that is interactive, and games are pretty much all there is if you rule out academic discussions of Buddhism, but unfortunately she just seems to hate absolutely everything where there might possible be a right answer and a wrong one. We’ve tried Magic, and Poker, and Chess, and Axis and Allies, and every fucking game we try she gives up before she learns the rules, gets mad about how she didn’t win (whereas, normal people accept that the first few games are purely for learning), usually quits early on before a winner is even apparent... and, of course, she has to drink to do anything of the sort, because otherwise she doesn’t want to do much of anything, which obviously discredits her occasional claims that she isn’t the one who encourages her drinking, because of course she is, and if I don’t give her alcohol I can pretty much guarantee you that she isn’t going to want to do much of anything. In fact, I can’t even get her to try learning the rules sober... no, I basically have to teach her drunk, and then she acts surprised when it gets confusing. Guess what, alcohol is a confusing inebriant; so you might want to try doing thoughtful stuff sober.

But yah, so I figured Risk was a pretty simple game, but sure enough we have all the same problems with it; now, I don’t think she is too stupid to understand the game, but it’s like she doesn’t genuinely try to learn the rules, and then her ego prevents her from actually getting into the game and trying to win. So it basically fucking sucks; cuz see like, the rules are all over the internet, and there are rules in the box, but instead of reading them she expects me to explain everything, and then when I do she claims that I suck at explaining it, and then she basically rolls the dice and expects me to tell her what happens next, and if she loses she accuses me of cheating, and meanwhile she mutters under her breath annoying things like “Whatever you say...” and so, yah, I hate to be so blunt, but that just isn’t the kind of bullshit I’d have to put up with in a relationship with most anyone else. And if I were to say that to her, she would respond with some whiny dramatic tearful bullshit about she hopes I’m happy, and it’s all over, and she’ll leave... but of course she won’t, because she wants to be in the relationship, but yet she refuses to make the effort to try new things.

I mean, seriously, most people already know how to play Risk, cuz it’s really a pretty simplistic game, about on a level with Go Fish. And I mean, I’m not trying to say she is dumb, because she isn’t; but seriously, Veronica is a fucking dumb bitch sometimes... now, a lot of the time, she is really sweet and nice and caring, but sometimes oh my fucking god. Seriously, it’s so bad that it makes me want to break up with her; sure, I care about her, and I want the best for her, and I enjoy the good times together... but it gets really tiresome knowing that I can’t talk to her about certain intellectual things because she will be really rude and dismissive of my thoughts, and meanwhile I can’t play any fun games with her because... quite simply... she won’t try and ultimately she’ll just bitch about losing. And meanwhile, I can’t criticize her, or express my feelings, or let her know that sometimes I actually do think she is pretty bitchy; because, if I do, she will just get more bitchy, and so I’m basically expected to sit there and bite my lip like a stoic man, which sounds great and all, until of course she starts waking me up to bitch at me, at which point I start to think about how the fuck I’m supposed to pay the bills, to take care of her, if I’m not getting enough sleep.

So anyways, I was finally like fuck this, and therefore I decided to pack the game back up because it was obvious we were just going to fight like pretty much everytime we play a game; after that, maybe 15 minutes later, I decided to lay down and get some sleep, or maybe just lay there and feel sorry for myself. Unfortunately, she took that as a big personal attack because it was Christmas, and I apparently failed to say goodnight, and I guess I’m a lousy boyfriend, and she was really nice today (seriously, she was) and therefore it was mean of me to just trounce off to bed like she does fairly frequently... and so, instead of just trying to be friendly and cheer me up, or leaving me to brood in silence, or simply expressing her feelings and leaving it at that, she basically comes in and gets all mad, accuses me of being really cold and unfriendly, and meanwhile she is essentially whiny, clingy, insecure, and really really annoying considering that I’ve repeatedly asked her to let me go to sleep if I show an inclination to do so, because that’s sort of important to me. But instead, it’s like she WANTS to fight, or can’t help but fight, or something, and so I have to defend all my actions, and nothing I say is good enough because she is, in fact, intoxicated... and so then I go to get some water, and she won’t let me leave the room, and she clings on to me literally, and my pants even got ripped... I mean, fucking hell, what is this? Bitch, just get the fuck off me, let me have some time to myself, and everything will be fine again once the alcohol gets out of your hormone ridden brain.

Blah. I dunno, I’m not sure what to make of any of this, except that we have a lot of problems in our relationship, alcohol doesn’t help, but even without the alcohol we’ve got some serious ongoing issues; obviously her paranoid insecurity doesn’t help, and I’m sure my irritable unwillingness to rehash the same old issues over and over (in the hopes of some imaginary notion of resolution) isn’t very helpful either... but what are we to do? Like, I threaten to break up with her a lot, and I guess part of me wants to, and part of me doesn’t; I do really care about her, but I’m also fucking so sick and tired of the fights, and she just won’t let shit drop... like tonight, sure I did some things wrong, and said some things I shouldn’t have, and was far far far from perfect, but all she had to do was simply drop it, and let me go to sleep, and we’d wake up and be happy. But instead, she wants to discuss and discuss and discuss, and I really think there must be a lot of relationships like this, where the guy simply wants to move on, and the girl wants to live in the past and resolve whatever emotional issue is at hand... and what the fuck am I supposed to do? I really don’t think women understand how annoying their voices can get when they start getting upset; seriously, when I’m upset, I want some peace and quiet, not a bunch of noise, that’s why about half of my argument tends to consist of, “SHUT UP!”

Christ, it’s so goddamn annoying to have someone come barging in to wake you up and get all mad about how you were mean for not saying good night; I mean, isn’t it like basic common sense to not wake people up when they are clearly sleeping? Jesus, sorry, seriously, I’m sorry, but was it worth fighting about? I forgot to say good night, so ok, cry about it; let’s have a big fucking miserable fight about it, good idea. Of course, she says that she didn’t want to fight... but what the hell did she think was going to happen? I mean, at first it was ok, because I just kind of hugged her and was willing to apologize for not saying good night, but then I guess my hug wasn’t good enough, and she decided it was a half-hearted hug, and apparently my voice was too monotone, and so then she was mad because I was denying full affection and I had forgotten to say good-night – well, once you get on that slippery-slope, its really hard to not let your tongue slip and say some irritated statement, and then, at that point, holy shit do women just get incredibly bitchy. And then she drank some Drano for more attention.